Sunday, May 15, 2011

Confessions of a drama queen.

Confession: I can be a bit of a drama queen.

Symptoms include treading the boards of life like it's a melodramatic Broadway show (or at the very least an episode of Brothers & Sisters), making mountains out of molehills, being more whiny than is deserved on occasion, and slipping into random bouts of but it's all about meeeeee.

I think I know why I am this way. I was born on the 25th of July, which means I am a Leo. My birthright sentenced me to needing an awful lot of attention at times. I am an innocent victim of astrology. If I ever meet the universe, we're gonna have a serious talk.

The symptoms started early on. Even when my youth was trying to throw me a bone and actually make everything pretty normal, I'd always have to shake things up. Normal? Meh. Drama? *claps hands together with glee*. I went through my teenage rebellious phase, broke up with early boyfriends just to see what their reactions would be, walked out of jobs less than a week in, and snuck out of my parents house like American teens in movies starring Ally Sheedy. That doesn't even scratch the surface. I pushed the limits so far sometimes while playing with fires, it's a miracle I'm still alive.

Like all of us, I've also been on the receiving end of painful dramas I didn't order. I've battled scary trauma, very ill family members, cheating boyfriends and divorce.

So what of it?

Fast forward to May 2011, and I am 31 years old.

In this moment, there just isn't any drama to be found. I realised this the other day when I caught up with a friend and honestly had no news to report. I racked my brain for some sort of punishing event going on in my life and it fired back total blanks. Nothing is going on. Everything is just fine, I said, with a puzzled look on my face.

Everything is just fine.


While I'm the last person to do pirouettes of happiness down the corridor, I do feel pretty content at the moment. Why does that surprise me? Is this the first time I've been truly happy? Has accepting life's imperfections rather than swiping at them finally paid off?

I think I grew into a life-altering decision somewhere around the age of 30. I decided being a drama queen is incredibly boring, not to mention an invitation for trouble. And we all know trouble thrives on invitations.

My life isn't perfect. But it's no longer far from it either. It's just... fine. I like the city I live in, I like my friends, I love my boyfriend and our dogs, I miss my family but I love how easily and often I can talk with them, and I like the work I'm doing. I don't have any dark clouds menacing over me when I sleep.

Everything is just fine. No pirouettes, but fine. And I quite like fine, I have decided.

The pessimist in me, the burn victim of past pains, has a concern that this could be the calm before a raging storm.

Please let it not be. Please let everything just stay fine.

Contentment is underrated.
Drama is overrated. That's why it's called drama. It's all just a big show.

Am I the only one? Have you exhibited drama queen symptoms in the past?

1 comment:

  1. Funnily enough, and whilst this doesn't bear the slightest of sarcasm, good on you!!

    I'm far from happy, content even, so seeing other people write these posts, and express their good feelings is fantastic. I envy you.

    Keep on keeping on :-)


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