Snakes for sale... anyone?

Making friends in Thailand earlier this year

I have seriously hot dreams about my boyfriend waking me up on a Saturday morning, passing me a freshly brewed coffee and my laptop, running his hands through his bed-hair and saying... Honey, would you like to go shopping today?

Well, I can't quite believe I'm saying this... on Saturday that actually happened.

Open-mouthed, I was tossing up whether to leap out bed for joy or telephone the front page of the New York Times, when he continued to speak (oh why do they have to do that?)

I mean snake shopping. Do you want to go snake shopping today?

I KNEW that first perfect sentence had a dodgy sequel.

I've confessed on this blog before, that we are not first-time snake parents. Before moving to Hong Kong, B and I owned a slithery, slimy thing called Reggie. An Australian Stimsons Python. I'd like to say I hated him, was scared of him, couldn't stand the sight of him, but the truth is, I fell a little bit in love with Reggie. What can I say? He had the X-Factor. Can't deny it when it's there. But, when it came time to leave him behind for the bright lights of Hong Kong, I can't say I really cared all that much.

But I can tell B has missed  his "living work of art" that does things like... sit under a rock. Eat frozen mice. Sit under a rock. Did I mention sitting under a rock? So, when he asked me if we could go shopping for a Bull Python on the weekend, I took one look at his  wanting eyes, and just... couldn't say no.

We'd heard about a reptile store over in Mong Kok, which is a very local Chinese area, and literally, the most densely populated place on earth. Just ask the Guinness Book of World Records guy. Translation? Unless crowds give you a happy, you do not go to Mong Kok unless you really have to.

A typical street stall in Mong Kok

After wading through a Mong Kok-mosh pit of people (except without the cool rock music and Jack Daniels) we finally found the stinky reptile shop. Is it any surprise we had to walk up these beguiling stairs to get inside?

These steps scream "snake pit"

I got in trouble for taking photos inside the shop (really, dude, are you worried I'm gonna like BLOG about your reptile store??) but I did snap a few pics of the babies... aren't they, uh, cute?

B set his eyes on this guy below; the Piebald Python, also known as "the rockstar snake". Bit hard to see here, but they're genetic mutations; part pigmented, part completely colour-free. They also cost about as much as a pair of high-end designer shoes. And they're just about as cuddly.

But, before we seriously discussed wether we were up for filling our freezer with frozen rats and scaring visitors all over again, I asked to see a full-size Ball Python. You know, just to see how big my new child would get. So reptile-guy pulled out this uber-expensive albino guy.

WTF??

DO YOU SEE HOW BIG THAT SNAKE IS????

Reggie would only grow to that size in his wildest dreams.

Our little Reggie

Given that we have a tiny dog and hopefully will have real, human babies one day, I asked the reptile dude if a full-size Ball Python could ever attack one of those if it got out of its cage.

"Hmm..." he frowned. "Cannot guarantee. Cannot. Better keep cage locked."

Oh, you mean, if for some reason we had a brain fart or perhaps a glass too many of wine, and one didn't quite click the lock right, the snake could potentially strangle Ted or our newborn baby?

Well colour me happy and sign us up.

I marched B right out of the shop and bought him a rolling pin for our kitchen instead. Sorry B, sorry Piebald, sorry reptile guy. Rolling pins are just so much sweeter.