For those of you who don't know divine Delta - she's an Australian singer currently touring with Andrea Bocelli, and is really quite fantastic. And apparently quite kissable.
Kissing someone randomly is not the same as getting too cosy with the G&Ts on a Friday night and ending up in a sweaty party pash. I mean kissing someone on the cheek, but quite randomly: Totally unintended. Unwanted. Unreturned.
When my hairdresser first came over and did my hair, it was all very normal. We were polite strangers. I made her a coffee, we had a bit of a chat, she foiled, she trimmed, I paid her.
And then when she turned to say goodbye and leave, I suddenly (and quite horrifically) morphed into a 'don't leave me!!' embrace. WTF?
Instead of smiling and reaching my hand up to casually wave, I found myself pursing my lips and reaching up for a personal and passionate kiss on the cheek. She just about balked in surprise and awkwardly kissed me on the cheek back. I think she even gave my arm a little squeeze. A sympathy squeeze.
n.b. there is NOTHING sexual about any of this, however, it is still entirely personal to embrace a total stranger and completely inappropriate.
Overall, this was a thousand shades of 'eeeech'. You see, I didn't (and don't) fancy my hairdresser, I don't enjoy kissing total strangers, and what's worse, I felt I had absolutely no control over it. It was like watching my boyfriend tell an 'eeeech' joke across dinner table; I felt utterly paralysed and forced to watch. My
inner voice was screaming, "WAIT! Lean back! Duck! Don't do it! You don't even know her! She does NOT want to kiss you."
On another occasion I found myself kissing Delta Goodrem when I worked for Sky News. And in even more poor form, I did it at the beginning of the interview. No rapport, no background, no license to kiss at all.
Delta walked in (she's about seven feet tall) and instead of casually saying "hey", I reached up and kissed her on the cheek. SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ME. What's worse, after the interview was over, Delta got up and smiled, paused, and then awkwardly bent down and gave me a sympathy kiss goodbye. I don't blame her; I was clearly a loose-lipped kisser, and I would have been grossly offended had she not. OH WAIT.
Thank you for that support Delta.
So if I see you on the street and you say hi, and I kiss you instead of saying hi back, my apologies. I think my body gets a wee bit confused sometimes.