Overwhelmed.

I am overwhelmed.

I don't feel I usually get overwhelmed, even though I am the first to sound melodramatic in a conversation or, as you might have noticed, on this blog... but at my core I am usually very calm, very in control, very sure of what is happening next.

I've been back in Sydney, staying at my mum and step-dad's house for a week now.

And I feel overwhelmed.

I haven't done much except work (which is why the lack of posts, uh, sorry). I have had to finish a huge job for a client, a few smaller jobs, and then a new job for a new client, which I am very excited about!

I also had an exam for my last university subject, my new subject began a week ago (I haven't even looked at) and I had to go into work for re-training for my upcoming two-month job.

My view this week... every day

On Saturday evening I went with a colleague to corporate box seats for the Rihanna concert. It is official: I have flown business class at concerts and I can never go back to economy. The tickets were free, which we picked up at the box office. We were whisked upstairs to a VIP area, where we were fed delicious lamb and salmon as well as wine and champagne. We had our own private seats overlooking the stage. And when we left, we had our own VIP entry to the carpark.

So this is how the other half lives.

So why the feeling of overwhelmed?

Because it's feeling very strange to be here... much stranger than the two times I flew back to see family for a whirlwind week of holiday. This time I'm working. I'm here for two months. I have hired a car. I live here, right now.

I drove a car yesterday. I haven't driven in two years and I was shocked to discover how much I have missed it. The freedom; the control over the vehicle. Right now, I'm smiling at all those who wish to enter a roundabout before me, suddenly pull out from a driveway or cross a road in the wrong spot. I'm gently stopping, smiling and waving them through.

Just give me a week and the road rage will surely set in again.

I also feel peaceful here. Content. I don't want to give any friends or family here the wrong impression when I say that surprised me. But I am very much invested in my life in Hong Kong at the moment. I feel I'm in the right place there. Very happy and comfortable. I couldn't imagine moving back to Australia just yet - I'd miss the buzz, our friends, our apartment, our life.

Family dinners... bless

But now that I'm here, I feel just as happy here. Like I could live here again. I understand Sydney. Australians. Everything feels so effortless. I speak the language. I know the streets, the shops, the food, the beaches. This is really my true home. I miss it.

I didn't realise how much I'd missed it.

Right now I'm scared of missing it when I go back.

This has been a huge relief for me. I had been a little worried I'd be one of those people who move away and struggle to make the emotional connection to return, ever. But now I know I will, and when I do, I will wrap myself up in the slow pace, open skies, friends and family. It is so unbelievably quiet here, compared to Asia.

I'm overwhelmed at how quiet it is. I had completely removed myself from this life (maybe I had to, emotionally, to survive Hong Kong) and now I feel like I'm letting it seep in again.

Ah yes, I feel overwhelmed.

p.s. B, Otto, Ted, I miss you. I carry your hearts.