Tutors and cheetahs.

So what the heck do those two things have in common? Well, since you asked (no you didn't), I'll tell you.

For those who don't know, I'm currently dating a Canadian, referred to as 'B' on my blog. Actually 'dating' is underselling it; we live together and we're bonded. We share two dogs and wonderful memories. We love each other.

Well I love him and I hope that he loves me.

So what does this have to do with tutors and cheetahs?

Nothing at all, I'm just going off on a B-tra-la-la tangent again.

But I do love the fact that he's Canadian, it's part of the appeal. Call me irresponsible, but I find it a little exotic to date someone from another country, who has his own set of food names and pop culture references.

Of course there are some things we disagree on, like whether it's 'math' class, as said in North America, or 'maths', as we say in Australia.

When we were disputing it, B said, "Well if it's 'maths', then why don't you call 'English', 'Englishes?'"

Well yes, B, you've got me there.

Anyhoo, aside from the word debates, there is, of course, an accent difference. That too is part of the appeal. But occasionally things get a wee bit lost in translation because of it.

Like the time I was telling him about a person in Hong Kong who tutors students for a living.

When Australians say 'tutor', we pronounce it like this: 'tyooduh.'

So I was telling B all about this tutor (or tyooduh) and he was listening attentively to the whole story, nodding, uh-hah-ing, politely smiling, but he had started to develop a frown by the end.

I said to him, "What's wrong?"

B replied, "Well I totally get the whole story, except one thing... why was there a cheetah in with the students? I mean, how was that allowed??"

I said, "Huh?? I never said there was a cheetah there!"

And he answered, "You've just spent the last ten minutes talking to me about this cheetah in Hong Kong, working with the students!"

Cheetah.

Tyooduh.

Yup. Lost in translation.

Telephone conversations used to be so simple...

Except of course, when you are on the phone to Telstra or any internet provider, and an irritating piece of technical equipment is failing to do what it is instructed to do, and of course, you discover that there is noone out there - not even in India - who can actually help you.

Well, that's pretty much every phone conversation I have in Hong Kong.

N.B. I realise I'm in someone else's country and have no right to complain about language barriers. But I will.

Of course conversations are perilous in person - I once spent a whole hour in a local grocery store searching top to bottom for glue, because not one person who worked there knew what 'glue' was. In the end, I went home glueless.

Yesterday I was attempting to buy hand sanitizer in a chemist (yes I can be a tad germaphobish at times) and waited patiently while the friendly sales girls attempted to decipher my 'washing hands' gestures - bringing me everything from handcream, to baby wipes, to cuticle cream - no hand sanitizer surfaced and, again, I went home with empty (and germy) hands.

But without even those simple hand gestures telephone conversations really are the worst.

Yesterday I attempted to call a local yoga school about classes. Here's how it went:

me: "Hello, I'd like to do yoga, do you offer evening classes?"

them: "Tonight or tomorrow?"

me: "Neither, I'd just like to know which nights of the week you have evening classes."

them: "Our schedule change every week."

me: "Ah ok, well that's a bit hard to work out, but never mind... how much do they cost?"

them: "Our schedule change every week."

me: "No, how much do you charge for classes?"

them: "I don't know."

me: "You don't know?"

them: "No, only tutor know."

me: "Well I can't possibly book a place without knowing how much you charge..."

them: "Ok."

me: "Ok, thank you."

them: "Thank you, bye byeee..."

A few weeks ago I attempted to book a karaoke bar for B's birthday. Again, here is how it went down:

me: "Hi, I'd like to book a karaoke room for this Saturday night?"

them: "Hello?"

me: "Hello?"

them: "Yes?"

me: "I'd like to book a karaoke room for this Saturday night?"

them: "How many people?"

me: "Less than ten."

them: "Ok. You are Mr Chan".

me: "No, less than ten."

them: (spelling it out) "M-r C-h-a-n."

me: "No no, my name is not Mr Chan, I have less than ten people".

them: "Yes, Mr Chan."

(At this point I handed the phone to my friend because I burst out laughing)

And when it all gets too much - wear pigtails while slurping a giant lollypop!

These signs made me laugh

Wandering the streets of Hong Kong is always entertaining, people often describe it as 'like New York, but sped up.'

Between elbowing through crowds (people actually queue up here to walk down the street!) and gazing at the endless array of colours, signs, treats, shopfronts and street sellers - no two trips are ever alike and there's always something to see (or buy!).

I get a thrill out of spotting badly-written English terms (and they're everywhere) - it never fails to make me laugh and I find it quite cute. I papped these poor 'lost in translation' signs, which I always buy as cheap gifts for friends when I can. I think my favourite is:

"You can angry to anyone except boss", or

"You are my love, my angle, please don't treat me like potato".

The signs in my apartment building lift are always good:

"We have noticed the falling of cigarette buts from the upper. Please do not fall the buts and be noticed to stop the said acts. Thank."

These errors are everywhere, as B and I were strolling in our local park a few weeks ago, we noticed a string of identical signs, warning:

"DO NOT TOUCH THE BRIDS OR THEIR EXCRETA".

I think they meant 'birds'.

So cute.