Tuesday, May 31, 2011

But WHY?

B: The dogs were barking again last night.
Me: Oh no! Why?
B: Don't know.
Me: Do you think the neighbours were making noise?
B: Not sure.
Me: Do you think when one dog barks the other one just joins in, even if he doesn't know why he's barking?
B: Don't know. I suppose.
Me: Why does one bark so much louder than the other?
B: Bigger voice box, I guess.
Me: Why can dogs hear so much better than humans?
B: It dates back to their survival traits, I suppose.
Me: Why do you think our neighbours are so noisy?

Sunday, May 29, 2011


Current colour: Pink (I'll always be true)

Current fashion trend: I don't do trends (too lazy to pay attention) but I'm currently loving just a plain loose white t-shirt

Current playlist: Adele (porn for the ears)

Current obsession: Mastering English-language grammar and punctuation (see you in 2097 when I've finally done it)

Current drink: Water... I'm permanently parched

Current outfit: Loose white t-shirt, black skirt, hair up (Sunday drab)

Current fave TV show: Sons of Anarchy (who knew a show about motorcycle gangs could be so friggin' addictive)

Current triumph: Scoring a FAB new client for my business

Current bane of my existence: Getting up early... and there's nothing current about it (we've never gotten along)

Current iPhone app: Henry VIII (a hangover from my recent obsession with The Tudors)

Current celebrity crush: Charlie Hunnam (that really phwoar guy from Sons of Anarchy)

Current indulgence: Cheap Hong Kong massages (reason enough to apply for citizenship)

Current blessings: A healthy family, a great boyfriend, amazing friends, my own business, and two cute furry puppies

Current excitement: A trip to Chiang Mai in Thailand in two weeks (high five!)

Current mood: Mellow

Current website: My business (www.englisheditorasia.com)

What are you currently obsessed with?

Friday, May 27, 2011

Shattered glass.

While I believe the vast majority of people want intimacy, they want love and partnership, to me it feels like a pretty friggin' huge leap for mankind to move from slightly awkward, questioning, confused dating; to just accepting someone's love. Feeling it truthfully. And wanting it to be so.

I'm talking about shattering glass.

You know what I mean by glass, don't you? That translucent wall most of us live behind until someone meaningful comes along and breaks it. And then when they do, an all-consuming surge of suppressed emotion floods into the naked soul: love, fear, infatuation, panic, and hope. And there really is no turning back from that. Even if the relationship ends, that part is never reversible. That flood changes us forever inside, for better or for worse.

For every man I've ever loved, I can recall the exact moment when my glass wall broke and I let love in. It never happened upon first meeting, or even on a first date. I am not a love-at-first-sight person, although I totally believe in lust-at-first-sight. Letting love in sometimes took weeks, sometimes months.

The first time was when my dog died. My beautiful little schnauzer called Rosie who was hit by a car. I was all of seventeen years old and I wandered around in a fog for a whole week, tortured by her loss. I went through a bad experience as a child and believe I developed some form of post-traumatic stress disorder. My parents bought me Rosie to help me get better. But, after she did, when I lost her ten years later, my friends brushed it off with a casual, Oh no, how sad... anyway, are you free this weekend? There's a great party... I'd switched off by that point. I just wanted Rosie back.

At that point I had started dating this cute older guy. I wasn't sure where it was going, until I was in his car one day and he asked me what was wrong. I was embarrassed to be so upset over just a dog, so I told him casually and hid my hurt. He immediately pulled the car over. He turned and looked deeply at me. He took my hand in his and said I'm so, SO sorry. The look of sorrow and concern he gave me was so sincere it broke me.

And the glass shattered. We were together five years.

There were others, but I won't go on about them. This post was not designed to become a shrine to my ex-boyfriends!

But with B, it was a fairly surprising moment.

Before meeting B, I had been dating a man from another country for a few years. I wrote about it in this post. But the part I left out is that he cheated on me. A lot. I don't know exactly how much, but a lot. While we were separated for much of our relationship, we were extremely close at the time. We were glued to our webcams and our months spent visiting each other's countries were charged experiences indeed. We had both promised to be true, and it was a real relationship.

I hadn't known anything about all this cheating, and for several other reasons, we broke up months before I met B. A few weeks after I met B, this ex boyfriend emailed me and told me he wanted to speak on webcam. I didn't want to drudge up the past and couldn't work out what he wanted, but I agreed. When we spoke, he told me how sorry he was for everything. He looked pained and stressed. I was surprised; he had done no worse than me. The relationship didn't work because of things like cultural differences, a lack of really decent conversation, and of course, distance.

Don't be silly, I said. You have nothing to apologise for.

No you don't understand, he replied. I was not faithful to you. I cheated on you. I just had to tell you the truth and I couldn't lie about it anymore.

While I will always question the fidelity of a certain previous boyfriend, this was the first time I'd really been cheated on. Confirmed. Undisputed. Confessed. By a man I had deeply loved when he had done these things. I asked him how many times, thinking he would say perhaps once or twice. He told me he wasn't sure, and guessed it was around twenty times.

Twenty times.

Suddenly, things all made sense. How could I have been so stupid? The times when I would call him early in the morning or late at night and he wasn't home; his insistence on constant STD tests even though it had supposedly only been us; his constant need to know what I had been up to, because he was thinking if he had done it, so must have I.

I felt awful. Enraged. Heartbroken. I didn't want him back. I just felt so wounded for the girl who had loved him at the time, not so long before, and the betrayal to her. If you have been cheated on, you'll know: the visualisations, the unanswered questions, the unwanted scenes that play out in your mind.

I had a new boyfriend, B, and I couldn't hide my hurt from him. I was shocked by this news - rattled - for a few days. I had to tell him the truth. I expected B to be put off by it, to say the least. Why had I even been talking to this ex? Why was I so upset about it, if the relationship was over? I was prepared to cop it from him too.

Except, when I told B, he didn't say anything at first. He just looked down for a few moments. He furrowed his brow, then turned to me. I'm so sorry, he said. That's just awful for anyone to hear. What can I do? He was filled with concern.

This incredibly selfless, compassionate, and belevolant man consoled me. He hugged me and told me how sorry he was for me while I cried over another man's indiscretions. It was so kind, so unfair to him, and such a strong indication of the kind of partner he would turn out to be. A real man.

And my glass shattered.
And love flooded in.
My insides - forever changed.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Hello, new followers...

It'll be fine, but right now if I prioritise blogging, than either my business or sleep will suffer, and both keep me alive. Blogging is just merely fun. But ahh I miss it when I don't get to post.

So hopefully before the week is out I'll have at least one new post... high five!

p.s. I aint to proud to beg... if you have a spare two seconds, any chance you could please click through to the link to the left and vote for me in the Kidspot Top 50 Bloggers competition? Otherwise I'll get slammed! Haha.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Two cities I love.

There's my girl.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Five things I can't live without.

Yes yes, I'm a copy-cat and should be ashamed. Some brilliant bloggers were blogging (hmm... tongue-twister alert) about this same topic recently: Fat Mum Slim, Tales of a Tai Tai and Kate Takes 5.

So, given that I'm all inspired, here are five random things I'm SO loving right now.

1. My iPhone.

Anyone who has one will just know and that's all there is to it... it's kind of like the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer: we all reject and rebel until we watch it from episode one and fall to our knees with guilt as we realise it's actually utterly brilliant. Not only does my iPhone call people from random locations, but it also sends text messages, has internet, sends me emails and has an applications where I can do things like build my own clothing store or become Henry VIII and make decisions to totally re-write history. Amaze.

2. TV series.

I have totally given up on cable TV in Hong Kong and surrendered to the fact that it's crap. The good stuff is only ever on past 11pm at night (this city keeps really odd hours) and there is no TIVO to record anything and watch it back later. Oh and don't even get me started on the repetitive programming... if I see that episode of Banged Up Abroad one more time with that Jamaican woman that looks like a man I swear to God I'll... (insert random act of violence). So instead I download and watch TV series. I'm burning through quite a bit at the moment: Damages, Brothers & Sisters, Mad Men, Sons of Anarchy, Game of Thrones and Gossip Girl. Oh yes, my boyfriend and I talk A LOT right now... (looks the other way)

3. My memory foam mattress.

Straw poll: How many of you sleep on a memory foam mattress?

You DON"T?? Are you INSAAANE??????

Ok, random mattress tirade over. Ignore the crazy woman, nothing to see here folks.

Friends, it's like this... in my expert opinion (I've never worked in the furniture industry at all) once you sleep on a memory foam mattress, you never look back. It's my promise to you - oh, and only if it's a high-quality one obviously, there are some real try-hard memory foams out there (*coughs* Ikea). My addiction to this body-hugging mattress is so bad, it's literally a war between my body and my irritating daytime obligations to tear myself out of it each morning. I also live in fear of the inevitable fight with the hubby where I throw a spectacular tantrum and storm off to sleep on the couch... what... and have a night away from the memory foam bed? Honey I forgive you!!

4. My laptop.

It's a predictable entry but I'd be a big fat liar if I didn't put it. Would it be melodramatic to say my laptop is my entire life? I mostly work either from home or remotely, it contains my business materials, my social media access, my personal photos, my Skype, and my TV series... 'nuff said. p.s. God bless you Apple MacBook you sexy thing, you.

5. Moccona Indulgence coffee.

In an utterly shocking admission, I actually like instant coffee. I can't stand that powdery-tasting plunger stuff, plus it's too hard... all that plunging. But I'll only drink instant if it's Moccona's Indulgence. Oh no, I'm not high-maintenance (tosses hair). This coffee, in Hong Kong anyway, is more expensive than its colleagues. It smugly flaunts its top dollar price tag on the high shelf, while Nescafe and the others suffer below in the cheap seats. My boyfriend B is always looking to curb my spending, so he's tried to slip in cheaper coffee knock-offs, convinced this brand obsession all in my head. He's gone so far as to make me a coffee from another brand and then lie to my face and say it's Moccona Indulgence, to see if I'd notice. Oh yes buddy, I noticed. Better luck next time.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

WTF is this?

When I turned up at the actual event, I was bewildered to see others that had designed creepy vacuum cleaners were actually fairly cool people like Kirk Pengilly, Carla Zampatti and even Lincoln Hall: an Australian rock climber who nearly died on Mt Everest - so much so, he was left up there, presumed dead, and his family were even told he had died. He still had life in his lungs though and managed to defy the odds and climb down on his last legs to turn up on his family's doorstep alive (a true story and a riveting book).

The night before this event, B was keeping me up till the wee hours with the light on; his nose in Lincoln's book which he couldn't put down. We were stunned at the coincidence when we noticed Lincoln's Everest-themed vacuum cleaner sitting right next to mine! I also couldn't help but notice he was missing several fingers as B cornered him for a chat.

B acting up again with my Britney... and look - it's right next to Lincoln's!

What's the craziest thing you've ever made?

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Confessions of a drama queen.

Confession: I can be a bit of a drama queen.

Symptoms include treading the boards of life like it's a melodramatic Broadway show (or at the very least an episode of Brothers & Sisters), making mountains out of molehills, being more whiny than is deserved on occasion, and slipping into random bouts of but it's all about meeeeee.

I think I know why I am this way. I was born on the 25th of July, which means I am a Leo. My birthright sentenced me to needing an awful lot of attention at times. I am an innocent victim of astrology. If I ever meet the universe, we're gonna have a serious talk.

The symptoms started early on. Even when my youth was trying to throw me a bone and actually make everything pretty normal, I'd always have to shake things up. Normal? Meh. Drama? *claps hands together with glee*. I went through my teenage rebellious phase, broke up with early boyfriends just to see what their reactions would be, walked out of jobs less than a week in, and snuck out of my parents house like American teens in movies starring Ally Sheedy. That doesn't even scratch the surface. I pushed the limits so far sometimes while playing with fires, it's a miracle I'm still alive.

Like all of us, I've also been on the receiving end of painful dramas I didn't order. I've battled scary trauma, very ill family members, cheating boyfriends and divorce.

So what of it?

Fast forward to May 2011, and I am 31 years old.

In this moment, there just isn't any drama to be found. I realised this the other day when I caught up with a friend and honestly had no news to report. I racked my brain for some sort of punishing event going on in my life and it fired back total blanks. Nothing is going on. Everything is just fine, I said, with a puzzled look on my face.

Everything is just fine.


While I'm the last person to do pirouettes of happiness down the corridor, I do feel pretty content at the moment. Why does that surprise me? Is this the first time I've been truly happy? Has accepting life's imperfections rather than swiping at them finally paid off?

I think I grew into a life-altering decision somewhere around the age of 30. I decided being a drama queen is incredibly boring, not to mention an invitation for trouble. And we all know trouble thrives on invitations.

My life isn't perfect. But it's no longer far from it either. It's just... fine. I like the city I live in, I like my friends, I love my boyfriend and our dogs, I miss my family but I love how easily and often I can talk with them, and I like the work I'm doing. I don't have any dark clouds menacing over me when I sleep.

Everything is just fine. No pirouettes, but fine. And I quite like fine, I have decided.

The pessimist in me, the burn victim of past pains, has a concern that this could be the calm before a raging storm.

Please let it not be. Please let everything just stay fine.

Contentment is underrated.
Drama is overrated. That's why it's called drama. It's all just a big show.

Am I the only one? Have you exhibited drama queen symptoms in the past?

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